It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Randomize
