$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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