I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i need an iv and a liver transplant
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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