why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
