The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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