I wish i was in the wii world.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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