This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
where are you?
Hypothermia
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
