i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
