Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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