This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
