Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
