She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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