What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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