You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
