I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
