your parents love me but you hate me
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
