i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
