I'm jealous of your bromance
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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