is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Found your dick twin last night
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
