I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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