Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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