you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
