btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
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It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
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Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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