I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
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But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
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So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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