Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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