My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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