I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
