So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
handjob tips. give me some.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
