the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I queefed so loud it echoed.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
