He uses pillows to masturbate.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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