Someone shit on the floor
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
