nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
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and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize