His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
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I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
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the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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