3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
