google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
