It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
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Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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