dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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