So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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