What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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