i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
They are going to name an STD after you.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
