I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
