and i looked up. we had an audience...
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
