Can i not drive my cunt home
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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