the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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