yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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