You just made me feel so damn special
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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