i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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