so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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