3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
