i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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