This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
