it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Randomize
