Michael Bay diarrhea
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
