seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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