It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
