we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
