u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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