Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
