its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
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Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
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We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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