Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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