he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
