first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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