I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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