I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
