she was so not down for the gang bang
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
