Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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