There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Drunk walkin through police station. America
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
