They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
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