A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
